Tuesday, May 10, 2011

One-Sided Friendships

Do you ever find yourself trying to be friends with someone who seems less than enthused about being friends with you? I do.

No, I'm not talking about one person in particular. I seem to make a habit of this, time and time again.

When I was little, all the other kids in my neighborhood were a lot older than me, as were my brothers and sisters. When I was 6 years old most of the other kids were around 16. There was only one family with kids my age, and only one was a boy. He was exactly the same age as me. But, where I am a social person, he is a loner through and through. He never cared if I was around or not, while I desperately needed someone to play with. I hated being alone for too long, and my home wasn't exactly a pleasant place to be, so I left every chance I got. The only place I had to go was across the street to his house. And he was frequently less than thrilled to see me, although he would never say so. If he didn't care to see me, he wouldn't ask me to go home. He'd just ignore me.

For as long as I can remember, I have been trying to be friends with people who didn't need to try to be friends with me. I did all the work. Sometimes this came in handy. I could always move relatively easily between cliques in school, never fully fitting in and never being fully outcast. I could hang with anyone. And I did.

But something has changed somewhere along the way. I'm finding myself sick of trying to be nice to people who don't bother making the same effort for me. I've been hanging out with a guy who seems to take pride in showing no interest in anyone, never showing if he's glad to see me or not. And instead of trying to be his pal, I've responded in kind. I just don't care. I don't want to eat alone so I text him for lunch. If he comes, fine. If not, I text someone else. I have a circle of people I invite to lunch and if one rejects me I just move on to the next, not overly concerned about who said 'no' or why. It's not my loss. It's just lunch. Be there or don't. I can always eat alone, although I'd prefer not to.

I've never been this way before. I'm not entirely sure why I am now.


  1. It isn't just friends, either. I find family are the same.

    Luckily for me, I am a loner. I tend to prefer my own company. Family and a large percentage of friends have proven time and time again, just how unreliable and rude, and generally how bad a friend they can be.

    At least I can count on me.

  2. Like Ute, I would also include family as well. I'm not going to do all the relationship work!

  3. Sometimes we gotta weed people out I guess. I'm trying to figure out what the picture has to do with the post! lol

  4. Ute, I can spend days or weeks alone, but when I need people it can be hard to find anyone reliable. Lately I find myself drifting between people without investing too much of myself in anyone.

    XL, I guess I don't include family simply because, having grown up so much younger than all of them, I never felt very welcomed or included in the first place, so I don't look to them.

    Fifi, my weedeater is all warmed up. The picture made sense somehow at the time I wrote this, but I have no idea now. I guess that would be 'picture fail.'

  5. family are the worst at ignoring me. But I understand, we all have our seperate lives we must live. It's best to have the invitation out there and if they show...fine and if not...that is good too.

    honestly I like to take my lunch alone...I sometimes go for walks just to enjoy my alone time. No one asking questions, no one wanting my attention, no one to battle with concerning work. I can re-play my performace in my head...what to improve on what I did wrong...what I did wrong. Plus I can think about what I'm writing then.

    pssst...don't work so hard at it...just be you. :)

  6. have you been having issues with blogger being unavailable? it's been down for me most the time...have a fab weekend hon. xx

  7. what???? you get to leave your desk to eat lunch????

    And here I thought you'd be havin' lunch at your desk, just like me, readin' my blog while i read yours!!! LOL.

    I'm over one sided friendships too - family included.

  8. Spiky, Ah, blogger issues explains why I just now found 3 comments that show no reply from me. I DID reply, and Blogger deleted my response. Anyway, I wish I could just relax and be me and not care if anyone was my friend or I just sat alone. But I hate sitting and doing everything alone. And I hate that awkward feeling of being in a crowded place all by yourself, with no one to talk to.

    AlleyCat, yes indeed, I get to hop in my car and go out to restaurants that feed me infamously fatty and unhealthy American foods. Sometimes family are the worst about taking our friendship for granted.

  9. Huh?

    I thought I's reading about my own life --- this is exactly how things are for me! I try to be friends with people, doing all the hard work, and what do one get in return? A "Yeahwhatevva" mostly.

    I'm alone most of times [fine, like all the time, who am I kidding], and sure. That sucks. But it would really suck more spending time with someone who just couldn't give a rat's ass about you. I'd rather spend time alone than wasting it on someone who really doesn't care.

    Why is it so hard finding friends? And omg, keeping them...

  10. Heartbroken, I don't know why it is so hard to find and keep friends, but I suppose it is because it requires so much time and effort to be a friend, and as we get older there are more and more things taking up all our time and energy. And then, of course, some people just aren't good friends to anybody. Those are the friends we must cut loose.