Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I Knew It!

To recap yesterday, Sunday night I drove through rain and parked my car in the middle of the driveway, all shiny and dripping wet. The following morning the neighborhood birds took turns dive-bombing my shiny clean car with bird shit.

So last night, after work, I decided to try an experiment just to see if my cynical view of birds and my own life has any merit to it. I parked my now shit-covered car in the grass next to the driveway, directly under the wires leading to the house from the telephone pole, where I know the birds like to sit and shit all morning long the way my coworkers like to gather around the coffee pot in the breakroom and talk before starting their day.

And what do you think happened?

Yeah, exactly what I thought would happen. My already shit covered car was not touched. Not one new drop of bird shit appeared anywhere on my car this morning even though I put it directly in their path.

It seems the birds around here are snobs. They only like to shit on the freshest, finest looking shiny cars. Once your car has been 'tainted' by bird shit, even though it is their own, and is no longer all pristine and pretty, suddenly it isn't good enough for them!

Asshole birds.


  1. Ok but if you're out in public and you need to poo (sorry, I'm a girl - I say poo), and there's two toilets - one already splattered and smelling like poo - and one pristine and clean. Which do you choose? :)

  2. Amanda, you make an excellent point!

  3. honey...baby, think of it this way...at least they aren't elephant birds. :)

    Oh and i have an idea...if you want to get back at them...pay the kids from the neigborhood to climb the trees and poo in there nests. It's worth the money...hehehe.

    ciao. xxx

  4. Your poor car!

    LOL @ Spiky - love it!!

    are you gonna turn into one of those crazies with a slug gun & stalk the little buggers to extract some revenge????

  5. SpikyZora, they used to have birds the size of elephants in New Zealand back in prehistoric times. This is probably why they didn't have cars. I like your idea about the neighborhood kids, though. That's evil genius!

    AlleyCat, yes, it has been through hell this week. The birds' pooping was only the beginning. But I long ago learned my lesson about shooting down annoying birds. Their screams only attract more angry, pooping birds, and things get worse from there. What I need is to convince my neighbor to wash and wax HIS car so that the birds will move over there.