I don't WANT a Capital One card and you sending me 50 billion emails informing me that I qualify for one, etc, etc, is not going to make me suddenly feel the desire to have one. What it does is piss me off and cause me to curse at my Spam filter for not catching all your stupid emails.
Yes, I saw your previous email. How odd of you to ask me that. And sending it to me again won't draw any more attention to it from me because I ignored it the first time on purpose. I can't jump on every political campaign bandwagon. Repeatedly bombing me with emails about it isn't going to persuade me to change my mind.
Why, oh why, do you keep flagging these perfectly legitimate emails as spam and then NOT flagging all the total crap that I have to manually delete as spam when it is as obvious as it can be that they are ALL SPAM!
Stop emailing me about "gun violence." It isn't "gun violence" that I'm concerned about. It's PEOPLE VIOLENCE that is a concern. That rifle didn't leap up and run over to the school to shoot those kids all by itself. A lunatic who should have been institutionalized is responsible. And you know who is responsible for it being so difficult to institutionalize him? The same people now shouting about "gun violence", that's who.
Yes, I left something in my shopping cart on your website. Thanks for reminding me. No, I didn't forget. And if you really want me to buy it then I suggest you leave it there and just wait patiently for my return to your website instead of emailing me about it and then deleting it as if this one thing is costing you SO MUCH memory on your server farm or cloud space or wherever you store this information. Leave it there and stop bugging me about it.
I appreciate that you are so very interested in my penis size, but honestly, I don't need all your emails and links to pills and crap. If I want some pills for my penis I'll go ask a doctor. Or I can just go to WalMart and buy them in the pharmacy section. Yes, WalMart has penis pills. So you see, there is no need to email me about this ever again.
Thank you for informing me that 4G is now available in my area. But you should realize, since you are my provider, that I can simply look at my phone and see for myself that 4G is available. I'm getting it right now. Thanks so much. Please stop spamming me.
I really love how Yahoo thinks my comment containing the word "slut" is offensive and has to be altered to "$%^&" while my description of someone as a "douche fountain" is perfectly fine and inoffensive and in no way needing censoring. Always entertaining, Yahoo, always entertaining.
I'm pretty sure no amount of signatures on your petition are going to alter the President's agenda one teeny tiny iota. In fact, I'm so confident of this that I'm not going to click on your email supposedly containing the "petition Obama fears most" and even read what it's about. Thank you and have a nice day.
Lady, I'm not even a resident of the state you represent, so I really don't need all your emails about the things you're fighting for in the US Senate. I appreciate that you think I might want to know, and that you apparently think I'm important enough to keep informed, but I didn't vote for you and if I had it would have been illegal.
Just because I deleted an email that you should have marked as SPAM in the first place does not mean that I want to go all the way back to the top of my inbox. For crying out loud, just leave me right where I was when I deleted the email so I don't have to scroll all the way back down and search for where I was, you idiot!
Just because I bought something from your catalogue 100 years ago doesn't mean I need you to email me every single day for the rest of my life about all your great deals. You see, THIS is why I keep this email account in the first place. This account is for all you dirtbags who REQUIRE an email address from your customers and then bug the ever living crap out of them until the end of time. This is my garbage email account. The weak and rather useless spam filter on this account makes it mandatory that I not rely on this email account for anything of any real importance because if I did it would get buried under mountains of garbage emails from douche fountains like you.