No, I'm not talking about one person in particular. I seem to make a habit of this, time and time again.
When I was little, all the other kids in my neighborhood were a lot older than me, as were my brothers and sisters. When I was 6 years old most of the other kids were around 16. There was only one family with kids my age, and only one was a boy. He was exactly the same age as me. But, where I am a social person, he is a loner through and through. He never cared if I was around or not, while I desperately needed someone to play with. I hated being alone for too long, and my home wasn't exactly a pleasant place to be, so I left every chance I got. The only place I had to go was across the street to his house. And he was frequently less than thrilled to see me, although he would never say so. If he didn't care to see me, he wouldn't ask me to go home. He'd just ignore me.
For as long as I can remember, I have been trying to be friends with people who didn't need to try to be friends with me. I did all the work. Sometimes this came in handy. I could always move relatively easily between cliques in school, never fully fitting in and never being fully outcast. I could hang with anyone. And I did.
But something has changed somewhere along the way. I'm finding myself sick of trying to be nice to people who don't bother making the same effort for me. I've been hanging out with a guy who seems to take pride in showing no interest in anyone, never showing if he's glad to see me or not. And instead of trying to be his pal, I've responded in kind. I just don't care. I don't want to eat alone so I text him for lunch. If he comes, fine. If not, I text someone else. I have a circle of people I invite to lunch and if one rejects me I just move on to the next, not overly concerned about who said 'no' or why. It's not my loss. It's just lunch. Be there or don't. I can always eat alone, although I'd prefer not to.
I've never been this way before. I'm not entirely sure why I am now.
