10 Things About Me (cause 100 is too many)

Seeing as my blog has been mostly about working out, and seeing as I haven't been to the gym for awhile due to illness and thus haven't been able to blog about working out, and seeing as I stumbled on a post in which a blogger posted 100 things about themselves which was surprisingly interesting, I decided to try posting just 10 things about me. I have no idea how this is going to go, but if it isn't at all interesting to me then you'll never see it anyway.

1) I currently live in the great state of Alabama. There, I said it. Don't judge me. I'm not in the Klan, have never seen any sign of the Klan, and don't know if there is any such thing as the Klan anywhere near here. We do have a lot of engineers, though, and they can be pretty anal and annoying at times, but mostly in a bitchy khaki pants and baby blue shirt kind of unmanly way.

2) I used to be a highly competitive runner and overall athlete. But running was always my greatest asset. I was faster than almost everyone else in every sport I played which helped compensate for my not being as skilled in some of those sports. As I have gotten older and more injured, the speed has declined somewhat and now I don't play any sports that require another person's participation. As I write this, it occurs to me that I really should do some sprinting soon. I haven't done a sprint workout in a long time and that is an ability that fades fast.

3) I am not a big fan of fantasy football, or fantasy sports in general, but I have played in a league at work for the past 3 years, coming in second or third the first two years. But this year looks to be an Epic Fail year for me. I barely even know the players I have on my team, and I must confess, I barely care to learn who they are. I guess I drafted really poorly and I don't know that I can recover from that. I am getting stomped this season.

4) I am trying to relearn the guitar. I am truly shocked at how much I once knew and have since totally forgotten. I thought that once I started up playing again most of the old knowledge would return, including the songs I used to know how to play, and especially the songs I wrote myself. Well, it hasn't happened. I can't remember any of the old songs and only partially remember one song I wrote which was funny at the time, but would seem really creepy if I were to perform it now. It's called "Jailbait." I wrote it about the hot younger sister of a friend of mine. At the time, I was 18 and she was 15 or 16. It was kind of funny back then. Today, she works at the same company as me, has no memory of me at all, and for a man my age to sing about wanting jailbait would probably get me beaten up and arrested. Somewhere there is a recording on a cassette tape of me performing it, even saying her name in the middle of it, but I guess I don't care enough to search for it. And I definitely don't want her to ever hear it.

5) I am anticipating needing to buy a new car within the next year or two. I'd really like to buy something cool, such as a Mustang GT or Dodge Challenger. But I fear with my current driving needs I'm probably going to end up in a Volkswagen turbo diesel Jetta or something similar. If necessary I will buy a red one, but that's about as exciting as it gets with a diesel Jetta. FML.

6) I think I have a very real health problem which I tried to get my previous doctors to figure out, but 2 of the last 3 were just unwilling to try and the other one was, I suspect, too crooked to even be trusted. My current doctor I know little about, but I think I may need to bring it up and see if I can get any help with this. According to what I have read, in order to be the height and weight that I am, and have been for the last few years, I would have to eat around 3000 calories every single day. I track my diet and calories and I average about 2000 calories. No matter what I do, no matter what kind of trainer I hire and work out with, no matter what, my weight is locked in and won't move for anything. Except up. That ain't right.

7) Some days I feel like I'm still 20 years old. I just volunteered to roll a fellow blogger's yard in response to something he did to another blogger. It was a good 15 minutes later that it occurred to me that people actually get arrested for doing that these days. How would I explain that one to my boss? "Well you see, I have this blog, and well, this guy in the next town over was messing with a blogger friend of mine ... no, I've never met either of them in person. Anyway, so I offered to roll this guy's yard. Yes, the Auburn football signs were my idea. War eagle! So anyway, it made perfect sense at the time ..."

8) I'm struggling with Google+. There are people on there who know me, but they don't know that they know me because I haven't had a chance to tell them about my blog and my name here. Oh, don't act so surprised. Did you really think my name was Epic Fail? Or Emile Humongous Buttocks? Seriously??

9) I seem to have picked an epically bad time to start this blog, as the whole blog world feels like its in a state of decline, much like the entire Western world. I really like the people I have encountered on The Blog, but no sooner do I start to follow someone than they seem to either call it quits, go private and don't invite me (Onion Gypsy), or take a break and maybe never come back. What's up with that?

10) I began this blog with the intention of writing one quick thought every single day. That didn't last long. Work is always hitting me in waves, leaving me no time to write down what is on my mind until it is too late and the thought is lost. My personal life is in a bit of chaos. And my access to The Blog is somewhat less regular than I expected. Some days I just can't get access to it until after 10 o'clock at night, and by then I just need to go to bed and get ready for tomorrow. So much for good intentions.