Monday, September 12, 2011


So I've been trying to run and get ready for this race. I don't want to run, though. I don't feel the urge at all. Right this second I'm supposed to be getting ready to go to the gym and I just don't feel like it.

 OK, I wrote the above several hours ago. That's how awesome of a day I'm having. I write one paragraph and then I can't even find the time to finish the thought. I did end up going to the gym. I skipped BodyPump class and ran on the treadmill instead. Boy howdy, it was SO exciting, let me tell you. I just love treadmills. They make me all tingly and orgasmic from the fabulous boredom. There's nothing like the thrill of staring at a muted TV while trying to increase your running pace to something less embarrassing than your current pace.

You're so slow!
While I was stumbling rapidly along, because that's what it felt like I was doing, some relatively attractive college girl in short shorts and a tank top came along and got on the machine behind me. I'm sure she did this so I couldn't ogle her, but to me it created the illusion that she was looking over my shoulder, noticing how fast (slow) I was running and mocking me for being slower than her.

So, of course I sped up.

How do you like me now?
I don't know why I do this. It isn't as if this girl is going to give a flying fart about me even if I were running 4 minute miles like some Olympic superstar. In fact, if I were on a treadmill running that fast, all the banging and rocking and noise would most likely cause her to get off the machine behind me and move all the way to the opposite end of the gym to get the hell away from my crazy ass. Still, logic went out the window and I sped up just because some girl who will never look twice at me except to make sure I am a safe distance away from her or to aim her pepper spray came in and got on a machine in the vicinity of me. I am a moron, I freely admit it.

I didn't do my usual distance. I've been trying to psyche myself up for this race by running a distance shorter than the actual race if only because it makes me feel less pathetic and slow. I can haul ass, relatively speaking, for 2 miles and tell myself that I'm still in shape, but if I try to do that for 3 miles then I end up sore and tired and likely to skip the next workout. I should know how to train better than this, but somehow I seem to have forgotten everything I think I once knew about how to train for a race. Or maybe I just always got away with showing up and running without much effort because I used to be really fast and really young. Whatever the truth is, it isn't true of me anymore.

So I'm trying to run every single day, about 2 miles, or even a mile and a half. I just want to make sure that I run something instead of deciding to run 3 to 5 miles and then making some excuse to skip. It isn't as if the Warrior Dash is a race that people worry about their time on. That's not the point. It's obstacles and mud and fire and you have as much fun as you can without having a heart attack. That's the goal. At least it is the goal for me. I just don't want to be in such lousy shape that I stagger up to the obstacles and can't get over them because I'm so exhausted and weak.

Alana runs the Warrior Dash
After I finished my 2 mile stumble, I got off the treadmill and went down to the leg machines to work on my quads. I was a competitive runner for years and years and as a result I have a muscle imbalance that will probably stay with me until I die. They call it "runner's knee" but all it is is just an overly developed outer thigh muscle relative to the rest of your leg muscles. It pulls the kneecap outward and causes knee pain when you run.

I sat down on the leg extension machine. Some guy was on the machine to my right and some girl in a pink shirt and black pants with long hair to my left. I didn't even look at the girl. I just assumed from what little I saw that she was good-looking and would not want me to make eye contact with her because I was all sweaty and nasty and a guy. As I was doing my leg extensions, the girl got up and walked by in front of me. She wasn't good looking at all and I suddenly wondered why I just assumed that she was too good for me and wouldn't want anything to do with me. What kind of defeated person assumes they aren't good enough without even looking at the competition?

I really need to change my outlook on things, especially concerning my own self worth.


  1. I'm sold .. love your blog. You made me laugh ... and liked my pic. The end.

  2. Alana, I'm glad you don't mind me using your photo. Your Warrior Dash photos are fantastic. They should pay you to use them for advertising their race!

  3. Hey Epic!!! You are being mighty hard on yourself in many aspects I recon! At least you aren't laying on the couch face planting into buckets of lard!!!

    So maybe you're not as fast as you were back when you were seriously competing - at least you are having a crack!!!!

    LOL at your treadmill running....I do that too....speed up so I don't look so lame. daft aren't we!

    Good luck with the training.....when is the race?????

  4. AlleyCat, I ended up faceplanted in the bed on Wednesday, sick as a dog. The race is this Saturday, but I don't know if I'm going to be recovered enough to do it now. Argh!!!

  5. still doing the race even if you still to sick BECAUSE??????

    go back to bed!!!!

  6. AC, I finally went to bed. Today I still feel like death. I'm just hoping for a better day health-wise tomorrow. So much for my training, eh?