Monday, June 18, 2012

Quit Calling Me

Dear Black Man Who Keeps Calling Me,

I can see your phone number on my caller ID. I know its you each and every time.

I tried to answer your calls, but you acted like you were too busy and too cool to care when I picked up. I could hear you screwing around being all "I don' even care" and all that. I said "hello?" two times. That's all you're going to get. You didn't respond after the 2nd "hello" so I hung up.

You have called me 10 times in the past hour alone. Don't you have a job or something to go to? I am at work. Why aren't you?

You finally left a message after the 10 calls. I could not comprehend what that sound you made into the machine was so I put it on the computer and had it try to translate. It came up with this:

"haygooit ..."

I guess you're drunk? Or does that mean something where you live?

If you were less concerned with acting cool and more concerned with actually communicating with the person on the other end of the phone line then you'd know by now that you're dialing a number that doesn't lead to anyone you know. The reason you don't know this by now, though, is that you're stupid. Stupid people are more concerned with acting cool than they are with effective communication, having a job, or much of anything else that doesn't help them look cool to other losers like themselves.

My phone has a volume control for the ringer. Just for you I set it to 0. Now you can call all you want. I won't hear you. Unfortunately, I won't hear anyone else's calls coming in either, but all the people I want to talk to are intelligent enough to know how to use an answering machine and leave a message which communicates with me who they are and what they want. I'll trust them to do this while I leave you to waste the day calling a wrong number and being all cool.

Cuz I know you don't even care, right? Sure, losers usually don't.


  1. Ya know, the best thing you should've done, was to keep 'em hanging on the line. Then they'd be charged for the call. :o)

  2. LOL - my god daughter had a phone without an automatic keypad lock on it & would frequently drop it into the bottom of her bag without locking it. I was the first person in contacts so somehow she'd keep calling or texting me over & over & over!! I used to shout & shout in hope she'd hear me from the bottom her bag....glad she has new phone with auto keylock.

    we get lots of random calls from peoples pockets......tradies!!!

  3. My grandparents used to accidentally call us from their pockets all the time! It drove me nuts and I think someone finally took their cell phone's away from them!

  4. Ute, I wish I had thought of that. I could've answered and just said nothing, leaving him there wondering if I was 'outcooling' him or something.

    AlleyCat, I have a friend whose name starts with 'A' and she says she gets butt dialed more than anyone she knows because her name is at the top of everyone's contacts list.

    PaddedCellPrincess, thank God my mom doesn't keep her cell phone turned on most of the time or I'm sure we'd all be getting lots of accidental calls.