What I Like About Meme

So I was blog hopping and found this meme. I stole it from a blog that probably doesn't even know my name because I've never commented there as Emile H. Buttocks, or Epic Fail, either one. But that's OK. I'm stealing it anyway.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

I was named after Darren Stevens, on Bewitched. Of course, not his TV name, but his real name - Dick. My parents were mean. No, I'm kidding. No really, they were mean. But my name is not Dick.

Dick

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

I can't remember. I stopped watching NFL football because the Cowboys owner, Jerry "Dick" Jones, won't leave the coaching to the coaches and stay out of the way, so I don't cry as much anymore after giving up football.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

I was once an artist, so my handwriting changes with my mood. I'm not a fan of my own writing. I think it has gotten sloppy in this age of keyboards, but when I slow down and pay attention I can pretty much write any way I please.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

Scarlett Johansson on white bread


Miss Scarlett

  

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

There's a big source of contention and crying at my house. I'll just leave it at that before this blog turns ugly.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

It would depend on what sort of other person I was. Judging from the way the attractive women in the gym don't acknowledge me, let alone speak to me, I'd say if I were a hot woman in a gym I would apparently NOT be friends with me. On the other hand, if I were a crazy personal trainer with vast conspiracy theories that I wanted to tell to anyone who would listen, I apparently would be friends with me. And then I would block myself on Facebook for being crazy paranoid.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

I used to, but lately I find I tend to shout my true feelings at the top of my lungs whenever the situation calls for it. You want to know what I think? I'll TELL you what I think!

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?

I don't know. Let me look. Errrrrrrrrrgh ........ aaaaaaaaaaaaah ...... my cell phone makes a better phone than a mirror, and the flash on my phone camera just sucks, but it does appear that I still do have them, yes.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

Sure, why not? I have so little to lose. Except weight. I have plenty of weight to lose. Hmm, the combination of the two would seem a poor choice, would it not? Perhaps I would need 2 bungee cords, but yes, I would bungee jump. Preferably off a high bridge in New Zealand, 'cause I saw that on TV and it looked cool ... until the cord broke and the girl fell into the water below. I had momentarily forgotten that this was the reason it was shown on TV in the first place.

Bungeeeeeeeeeeeeee

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?

I am not conscious first thing in the morning, otherwise known as 'breakfast time', which is the only time I general eat cereal.Therefore, I do not have any recollect of what I eat in the form of cereal. I only know that I do and that it comes out of the cabinet nearest the doorway and when a particular cereal box is empty I write the name from the box onto the grocery list and replace it.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?

I do indeed, and often they knot and refuse to untie and I curse and kick them across the room no longer tied, necessarily, but not exactly untied either.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?

Judging from the other guys lifting at the gym I don't appear to be strong, per se, but I don't appear to be weak either. Then again, I haven't lifted in over 6 months ... except a few months ago I did a tiny workout and hurt my back, but that doesn't count. Anyway, I'm average strength for the gym. Some guys are benching small cars. I never did. I never will, either. But I'm not weak. So the answer is .... meh.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?

Anything but strawberry. If it's pink then its ruined and goes in the trash. That's my rule for ice cream. Chocolate, vanilla, any variation of that, as long as it isn't pink with pits in it that crunch. Who wants that?!

Anything but strawberry

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Lately the first thing I notice about people is whether or not they use their blinker. I know, I know, this is weird. In the office I'm walking like a zombie, coffee cup in hand (or searching angrily for stolen coffee cup), with lots of problems on my mind. I don't see most of the people around me in the office. Well, except this one girl we call "Snotty Hottie" who used to refuse to even make eye contact with me and seemed to run away from me when I was new. Lately she'll begrudingly smile if I say 'hello' but that's about it. I'm not asking for her to jump into my arms and kiss me. I just would appreciate if she'd acknowledge when I say "good morning" or nod 'hello' without pulling pepper spray out of her purse. So anyway, in the office I'm wrapped up in thought. Before and after the office I'm in traffic, where your failure to use a blinker really pisses me off because it makes life harder for me and more dangerous. So yeah, if you don't use a blinker I often think you are a douchewagon and if you do I sometimes say aloud in the car "thank you," as if you could hear me and are somehow given positive reinforcement for the blinker.

15. RED OR PINK?

It depends on what it is. As soon as I see the word 'pink' I think of women. I don't know why. I'm not a perv (shut up) but pink has come to be associated strongly in this country with only 3 things: women, leftist political movements, and gay men. I ignore the leftist political movements and don't care anything about the gay men, so that only leaves the women. So I guess pink then.

Mmm, pink!

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?

My lack of self confidence. And I am very confident of this.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?

My wife's cat. She moves too quickly for me and I can only throw soft, lightweight things lest I put a hole in the drywall when I miss and hit the wall.

 18. WHAT IS THE TECHNIQUE THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE MOST?

My swimming, because I am still considering doing a triathlon even though I'm now in worse shape than ever before and have no business even thinking about doing a tri. But if I do, I need to work on my swimming so I don't drown myself. I don't want to be buried wearing one of those embarassing triathlon Spandex suits.

Don't bury me in this after I drown

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?

Black and red and gray. And as it happens that this is Footy Friday I probably should be posting a photo of my feet and shoes today, but I think I'll skip. Anyone else posting photos of your feet for this Footy Friday?

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

A Dorito chip. True story. Not very exciting, but true.

Now with easy to open packaging!

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

My coworkers discussing some sort of work-related crisis. They're not on my team so that means I don't have to get involved in that, thank God.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?

Brick red. Every kid starts out drawing a house for one of their first 'advanced' drawings and then they need that brick red crayon to color it in with. There is a time in every child's life when brick red is the most important crayon in the world. I want to be that crayon.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?

The gym. I have a very, very poor sense of smell, almost non-existant, and the gym is a place where I feel comfortable. It works for me. I can't help it if you think its gross.

24. HOW IMPORTANT ARE YOUR POLITICAL VIEWS TO YOU?

The more I understand about what is going on, the more important they become. There are people in this world who truly believe they have the right to destroy anyone and everyone who dares to disagree with them, and they fully intend to do it. Those who aren't paying attention will be the first to go. The rest of us will be next, unless we can fight back successfully and stop their evil schemes. 

25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?

Beach house. It's on the beach, out of necessity. Therefore, beach house wins automatically.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

Football, used to be. Motorcross, not so much anymore. Hockey, tennis, downhill skiing.

27. HAIR COLOR?

Brown. Or are you asking my favorite hair color? I used to know this girl with the most beautiful auburn hair I've ever seen. It was all natural, too. She was so beautiful.

28. EYE COLOR?

Again, are you asking for mine or my favorite? Mine are brown. My favorite really depends on the girl whose eyes we're talking about.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?

Nope, Nike

30. FAVORITE FOOD?

Shrimp

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Scary happy endings where everyone is laughing for no reason and you're sitting on the couch going "is everyone high? Why are they all laughing? Did I miss a punch line somewhere? Who farted?"

Who farted?

32.. SUMMER OR WINTER?

Summer - I can always swim at the beach, but I haven't had an opportunity to snow ski since college, so winter mostly just sucks for me.

33. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?

Several - I just finished "On Demon Wings" by Karina Halle. I'm working on "Overlay" by Marlayna Glynn Brown and "Sherlock Holmes Volume 1" by Arthur Conan Doyle. I have several others that I have either temporarily stalled on and intend to finish later, or else I haven't started yet, but they are in the stack waiting for me to get to them.

34. FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC?

Something heavy with electric guitars and distortion, usually.

35. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?

2391 miles. Were you at all curious as to where I went? Grenada. So now you know.

Grenada

 So anyway, there it is. Would you be willing to do this meme over on your blog? If so, let me know so I can come and read it, too.