Mirror Mirror On the Wall

This post is for someone who probably doesn't read my blog, and it's just as well, because I don't think it would do any good for her to hear this anyway. Even so, I want to get this off my chest.

Yes, honey, you are very pretty. And oh-so-young. And yes, you have large, beautiful breasts that match your large, beautiful eyes.

And no one, but no one, is more enthralled by your beauty than you are.

Yes, you are your biggest fan. And you aren't shy about letting it be known, either. It seems you can't write about a big social engagement, or concert, or art show, or whatever it is that you're supposedly covering there in the lovely city of Toronto, without commenting on how hot you look in the many, many photos of yourself that you post, and how big your breasts are, and how curvaceous your body is.

Why not try letting your 'fans' discover this for themselves for a change, eh? Why not simply post photos relating to the event, only one or two of which include a shot of you, perhaps not dancing and playing your 'leg guitar' and shaking your ass around, so that we can see what event it is that you were at in the first place?

You and I, we were 'friends,' if only for a short time. You drove me insane in that time, always talking baby-talk and saying "fanks" instead of "thanks"" and replacing every "th" with an "f" like some child with no front teeth. And the fake British accent you frequently fall into, my God, it's annoying after the millionth time. You're not British, you're Canadian, so why not just talk normal, eh? If you're so awesome and so hot, why do you feel the need to add these pretentious devices to your speech, which only serve to annoy the shit out of everyone, including the people who love you despite yourself and try ever-so-gently to tell you to stop it?

I know next to nothing about your family life, where you come from and how you became so deeply insecure. But I do know that you have a great circle of friends, many of whom have their own troubles and insecurities to deal with. But they somehow seem better able to deal than you are. I wonder why that is? You have so much more going for you than most of them do, yet your gigantic and fragile ego threatens to wreck it all.

Anyway, "fanks" for the short time you were nice to me. Maybe you'll be a big star someday? I just hope you don't crash and burn because of your fragile inflated ego. We'd see your pretty face on the news being hauled off to rehab or jail because you'd totally lost it and tried to prop yourself up again with drugs. Either you'll rise to be a star or you'll gain more weight and suddenly lose that special something that makes you outshine several of your friends and competitors. You are truly right on the edge, teetering between sexy curves and dumpy. If you let that happen, you'll fade into the gray, like most of the rest of us.

You never were a very good friend, really. But that doesn't mean that I want to see you crash and burn.

No "fanks"