My Friday

I started to write a post here and then suddenly stopped and dumped it into draft. I hate when I do that. I had a thought I wanted to write a short post about, but I got off track and wandered into a forest of random ideas. Blah. That post will probably never be finished.

I'm sore from my workout Wednesday. And I'm fat from all the deserts left sitting around from our Halloween party on Monday. Who leaves multiple cakes and pies sitting around in the break room right next to the coffee maker? That is just evil!

So yesterday I think I just about ate myself into a diabetic coma or shock or whatever happens to a person who eats way too much sugar.

Last night I was heading out to hang with friends when I looked in the mirror and saw a gut hanging out with my name on it. It was me. I mean, I was wearing a shirt that had my name on it and that was my gut under the shirt with my name on it.

I looked in the mirror and almost didn't go. This is what happens when you eat a bunch of cake and you already look like ass, though. So I went out anyway. It turned out that most of my friends had gone home early and I ended up hanging out with some older guys who also have guts and couldn't care less about mine.

We talked about electric guitars and football.

And that was my night. What an exciting and dangerous life I lead!

Fatty McFattenfat

OK, so something weird is happening. Or maybe I'm just a moron?

I've reduced the amount of milk in my diet. I now mix my protein and creatine with water instead of milk. And the only other sports drink I'm taking in is something called Essential AmiN.O. Energy, which is an energy and recovery drink mix.

Other than that, I'm taking my usual vitamins, massive doses of steroids and human growth hormone .... no, wait, I'm thinking of Madonna. I'm not taking any steroids or human growth hormone. Not that I wouldn't if some nice person were to offer to give me some. Lord knows I need it.

Anyway, since dropping milk almost entirely I've noticed that my stomach seems to have swelled up like a Hoppity Hop.

For those of you in places like the UK or Australia, I'm going to just assume you had Hoppity Hops and simply called them something else, because you guys always do that, so I'm providing a photo:

I don't know exactly what is causing me to feel and look this way, but I'm looking pregnant. I swear I could pop out a little alien baby at any moment. It'd have to tear through my stomach, though, because I'm a man and thus lack a vagina.

Pink - seriously, its just for girls

Speaking of men with vaginas, as I was leaving the gym I passed a man wearing a pink shirt and tie coming in. I looked at his shirt and then up at his face. He looked away in shame rather than make eye contact. Dude, I have to ask, if you know how pathetic that is, why are you wearing it in the first place? Did you lose a bet or something?

Feels like this guy hit me

Anyway, I did legs today. Every machine in this gym is new to me, so it was a bit of an experience. After the weights I went upstairs and ran a mile on the treadmill in hopes of moving some of the lactic acid from Wednesday's chest workout and today's leg workout out of the muscles. I'm in agony from Wednesday. My chest feels like someone took a giant plank and whopped me across the chest with it. I can barely move my arms and shoulders. This, of course, caused me to run funny while on the treadmill. I'm sure all the college girls surrounding me noticed that and were likely thinking to themselves, "that man with the hoppity hop belly sure does run funny."

Don't hate

Thank you. I don't need your criticisms. Don't hate.