Calf Testing Under the Light of the Full Moon

Last night I came home from work totally exhausted. It's a gym night. Time to get back to running or ellipticalling or whatever my calf was going to let me do. I didn't feel like it, but I have a race coming up so skipping wasn't a good idea.

My car is in the shop, so I dug out the keys to an old car that mostly just sits in my driveway and lets the battery go dead and I took that. It felt weird to drive this old car. Also, wasps repeatedly build nests all over and in this car every single year. One time they managed to find a way inside one of the rear doors and build a nest inside there. This year alone I have found wasp nests on the hood latch, inside the gas cap door, in a fenderwell, and under the rear bumper. Those are just the ones I found. I know there are others. So I'm driving along in this funky old car trying to think about my workout, but totally paranoid that wasps are going to come swarming around my head and attack me at any moment.

What do you do in a situation like that? Do you drive extra fast in hopes that if you get to the gym quickly enough the wasps won't have a chance to get you? Or do you drive slow and careful, so that if they do swarm your head you don't wreck and wind up paralyzed in a ditch with wasps stinging you over and over again and you unable to do anything about it?

I drove in a state of massive paranoia. A May fly was in the car bouncing off my windshield and floating around my head. I was convinced that if I killed the May fly then the wasps would come for me as some sort of insect vengeance force or something. So I left it alone.

I got to the gym and parked right up next to an SUV that some inconsiderate person had left parked crooked in their space, so that their rear end was in the space next to it. I think there may have been an inch or two of space between us. Hey, my car is old and has wasps. If you don't care about yours, I'm not going to worry about it. I'm totally in my space.

I walked up to the door. That's when I realized, the key fob that lets me in my gym is on the key ring for my other car, which is in the shop. I can't get in.

I thought about beating on the door and trying to get someone to let me in. Everyone hates that when people do that. I decided against it. So I got back in the waspmobile and drove home again.

It was a full moon. I live on a long street with a slope to it. Hell, why not just walk up and down the street under the light of the moon and see if my calf is up for a jog? We have no street lights where we live so without the full moon it is just pitch black out there. Also, we have coyotes and bobcats and packs of stray dogs belonging to a neighbor no one likes because he won't put them up and so they roam the neighborhood fighting with everyone else's dog.

I walked down to the end of my street, at the bottom of the slope, then I turned around and jogged back up again. My breathing wasn't good. This shouldn't be that much work.

I walked down to the bottom again. I jogged back up again, faster this time. I felt better and I had a slight sweat going.

My calf felt tight, but didn't hurt. It felt like it was tensing up to protect itself. That concerned me. What happens when it loosens up finally? I won't know if it is OK to run on until it does.

I walked back down to the bottom of the road again. I started running back up the slope. I was thinking about possibly getting up on my toes and doing a semi-sprint just to see how all my muscles felt. Ah, but that takes a good bit of energy and I'm still trying to test out this calf.

Ping! My calf muscle sent me a message, encoded in the form of pain. I limped back to a walk again. It's still hurt. Hopefully this was just a warning and nothing is reinjured.

I walk-limped up the street and back to my house, using my injured calf as little as possible. The moon had gone behind some dark clouds. It was as if my calf was fine as long as there was a full moon, but once it was gone I was a wreck.

I carefully stretched, not really needing to considering I had probably run a grand total of a mile, or maybe three quarters of a mile. I showered and then sat down on the bed with ice on my calf and watched TV.

Not an epic workout, by any means. But I have a race in 2 weeks. I'm still planning to run that race. My calf isn't really bothering me today, which is a good sign. Next week I'll make sure I have my key fob to get into my gym and I'll stick to the ellipticals. One more week taking it easy on this calf and I should be good to go.

And by the way, Happy Easter!

Jesus tops Easter Bunny by dying full moon and rising from death

Now go to church, you heathens.