10 Things I'd Like to Say

I am stealing this from Ex-Hooters Girl - 10 things you'd like to say to 10 different people, but don't say who they are.

Ready? Go!

How dare you treat me like I treat you!

• You think you're so clever, having your friend email me pretending to be a blogger and drill me about you. And then after she reports back to you, you call me and give me massive drama seemingly out of nowhere. How would you react if I did this to you? Don't bother to answer. I know how you'd react. You'd go ballistic. And you have so little respect for me that you think I don't know what's going on.     

Oops, I molested your boy. Sorry, my bad.

• I think it's disgusting how you have pushed the FBI to redefine rape, not because it completely ignores male victims of sex crimes entirely, which it will continue to do, but because you openly state that there is federal tax-money to be gained from the new 'feminist' definition. You are everything the critics of feminism say and worse. You are despicable.



Der ... uh, yup. Gawsh!

• What part of "leave this here" do you not understand? And how did you not comprehend the problem when you filled my new office with the new person's furniture even as I was telling you that is my new office and the office I'm currently in will be her office? Tomorrow you're going to move that furniture out of that office and put mine in it, plus the cabinet you stupidly moved into my current office complete with the note attached saying "leave this here" still on it. And then you're going to have to move her furniture into my old office like I told you today you were supposed to be doing already. You must enjoy moving things an awful lot, because you're going to have to do it twice.  

Bitch

• After that huge favor I did for you, and all the "thank you, thank you, thank you", I have to say, I find it truly insulting that you would agree to spy on me and report on me while lying your ass off to me the way you are. I won't forget this.




• You can squeeze your employees as tightly as you want to, but it won't make them perform any better. You don't know what the hell you're doing and the harder you try to control things, micromanage things really, the worse they perform. Any normal non-egomaniac can see that. But you are no normal non-egomaniac.

This is fun

• I don't know just how much pleasure you could possibly be getting out of your life, but I have spent enough time and energy reaching out to you only to have you reach out to me not at all. I won't be doing any more of that. If I don't see you again, good luck to you.





Rock Star

•  I'm amazed at how you have seemingly achieved everything the rest of us always dreamed of. Even as kids, you were already on your way to being a rockstar and we were just idiots with cheap guitars. I still can't play worth a crap, and I still hear my mom saying periodically "we don't have any talent in our family. Why try?" But your family was so different from mine. They were behind you all the way, so encouraging. Oh what a difference that makes! Fly high, rockstar. I've got tickets to your next concert and I'll be sitting in the audience wondering how my life might've been different if only I'd been born to different parents.

• I encourage you as much as I can, but its not easy for me. I just try to say the opposite of what my parents always used to say to us. It seems to be working. Things are going well for you, and I'm glad to have been a part of that.

• Thank you guys for always letting me hang with you whenever I'm around. I realize you only barely know me, but in many ways you have been better friends to me than most of the people I once called my friends in the past.

I smiteth thee with my tongue

• No, none of us are better off than we were four years ago, that's true. A very astute observation on your part. But the fact that you don't seem to grasp how you and your buddies are largely responsible for that is truly alarming. This is the danger inherent in a system made up entirely of professional talkers - they know how to say the right words to win the job, or to shirk the blame, but once in power they have no clue how business and economies actually work. Worse still, I'm so very afraid that the man who appears likely to be your replacement will be an inadequate improvement relative to the change we really need. The two of you have more in common with each other than either of you has with the entire rest of the country. You probably play golf at the same country clubs. There will be no hope and change until we're rid of the whole lot of you and bring in some real Americans. But that seems almost too much to hope for.

I stole the following uber cool clip from Catch Her In The Wry:

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